Fifty Shades of Shinola

Actually it’s only seven, not fifty, as you will clearly see on the ‘Bristol Stool Chart’, and as parents we quickly become accustomed to them.

As I alluded in Wednesday’s #MidweekMeme, we have had a fortnight of ‘sleepless nights and sh*tty nappies’, due to the fact that JB has had an awful stomach bug. 

Nearly every single night he has been waking, anywhere between 4am and 6am. A quick change, and he then wants to sleep with mummy and daddy.

When we were pregnant, I dreamt of the day when I would have my kid sleeping in bed with us, and how wonderful it would be, but now it happens, it drives me up the wall. I can’t sleep for fear that I might roll over and smother the poor little tyke, or that he will roll off the bed and crack his skull open. If that wasn’t enough, we end up half in/half out of the duvet, teetering on the edge, cold and uncomfortable, and generally get up in the morning aching all over. Sorry if I’ve just burst a few bubbles, but you need to get real people.

It’s not the best timing either, as he is exploring potty training, at his own pace of course.  This has led to a couple of “accidents”, (good job I purchased a cheap carpet).  Whilst preparing breakfast, he peed in his potty, then scooped it up into the cups of his tea set.

I returned from the kitchen, toast in hand to be offered a “cup o’ tea” and cake. This of course, is fine, and par for the course, what gets my goat even more, is the fact that the tea set is only available in pink. I’m sure I’m not the only man that brews the odd cuppa, let alone eat cake! The fact that Fisher Price, is still pushing this stereotypical BS, beggars belief.

This wasn’t the only toy related incident this week. Not to be outdone by the tea set, a certain cheeky little engine and his friends decided to up the ante.

Whilst cooking dinner for my little angel, these guys decided to have some fun splashing around in “muddy puddles”. Yes. I’ve seen an average of six, gauge six nappies, in as many hours, which means my poor little boys peachy bum is a little in the sore side, hence the non nappy time that led to this incident. To be fair to the little man, up until this point he had used the potty, or asked daddy for a nappy, so that he can hide behind the sofa and go about his business. The above picture is the “after”, I will of course, spare you the before.

The greatest moment in all this mire, was when I asked what else he had played with, in the hopes that no other toys needed cleaning. He replied “Yes daddy, I played with my wee wee.”

Well droogs, my deadline has reared its ugly head, and this little zombie needs to sleep, oh wait, I have six hours of daycare, and seven hours of work left to do. In the words of John Francis Bongiovi Jr. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”.

Catchphrase sign off! 


4 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Shinola

  1. I thought a bed-o-family would be nice too. But cold, achy and uncomfortable is definitely where it will get you. Luckily we put an end to even the idea of our son coming into bed with us.

    …Pretty excited you used the word “droogs’ in your post. Meet you over at the Korova Milkbar.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh dear, I hope he is better soon! Great post. And that flipping tea set! We have that too, the music on it drives me bonkers! Fortunately it is currently “lost” (I’ve hidden it) long may it remain out of sight and out of mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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