The Vampire Chronicles

Some of you may think you are experiencing déjà vu. This is perfectly normal, that is because I have posted this before, September 13th 2014 to be precise.

Why am I posting it again I hear you ask.

Well…*huge sigh* (of relief this time).

Being in somewhat of a minority, in the parental blogging scene, I decided to have a nose around the interweb for other like minded masculine minders, and their musings. After skimming a couple of articles I found a post I loved, about teething. I instantly decided to introduce myself along with a link to my post about teething, only to discover it was no longer in my back catalogue.

Having absolutely no recollection of deleting this post, you can understand my shock at this discovery. Instantly I was scrambling around for the trash can, only to discover that the post had been erased over 30 days ago, so was permanently deleted. I run my blog completely from my phone using the WP app, so there are no backup copies of my work. Even a Google cashe search came up empty handed.

It was only by chance that I was telling my wife about my dismal discovery on Facebook messenger, that I remembered that sometimes I have copy and pasted my posts to her for proofing, and as luck, and an hour of flicking back through three months of chat, would have it, there it was. Don’t worry folks, everything has been copied and now sits on the hard drive of my laptop.

So without further ado, I present to you, again, ‘The Vampire Chronicles’.

We’ve had a short break, but the teeth are moving again!

So…*huge sigh*

All of the milk teeth are out apart from the ‘Maxillary Second Molars’. That’s the last in the primary set of gnashers. The ones located at the back of each quadrant, and they are starting to make an appearance. In layman’s terms, this means that the rest of my little monsters teeth are generally located in my flesh, around the neck and shoulder area, if being carried. In the forearm if one is in a seated position. Or in the thigh, far too close for comfort, if stood. And I have just discovered, from a wiki article, (so I’m hoping its wrong), that there could potentially be another twelve months of hell. Oops, I mean teething! (Damned Sigmund banana skins!)

Is it just a coincidence that my name is Louis, and that I have a vampire child, sucking the life out of me? Or am I really the inspiration for Anne Rice’s gothic novels? It’s a good job I didn’t name him Louis junior, or he would definitely have the nickname ‘Suarez’, because he’s always rolling around on the floor as well.

This denticular development, means that not only are we fodder for the fangs of this fledgling, but that copious amounts of ‘Calpol’ and cuddles will be needed at crazy O’clock of the a-m to console our child. I apologise up front for using another ‘c’ word, so if you’re easily offended look away now. If this little scion wasn’t so damn c-u-t-e, (you can look again now), I would be pretending to be Dr. Szell and keep asking him “Is it safe?” For those of you now cowering behind a pillow, what did you expect in a humorous blog about teeth? And for the young ‘uns with bewilderment upon their faces, use your search engine of choice and hit video. Oh, and have a pillow ready. 😉

I swear he knows he’s taunting me. There’s that look in his eyes that just screams fava beans and Chianti, when he smiles and shows me those pearly whites. I say he needs to be strapped into his pram wearing a menpō for the next twelve months, and fed through a straw. I am literally like Roy Scheider when he looks at me. I slowly back up to my wife and tell her “you’re gonna need a bigger pram!”

Be dobby, smeck grimly, and skvat jeezny by the sharries droogs!

Dohigh.

If you’ve not had enough of me in pain, you could always check out the following painful links.

A Trip to the Park

A Clockwork Thomas

Daddy Daycare

If you want to discover more inane ramblings from other like minded bloggers on the perils of parenthood, then follow this convenient Big Fat Linky from The Dad Network, Brilliant Blog Posts from Honest Mum, and Share the joy from Bod for tea.